My heart goes out to anyone who has a bad vacation. Whether it’s the fault of Mother Nature, an accident, dashed expectations, unsatisfactory food or service or a mechanical malfunction, it’s dreadful to return home unhappy from what is supposed to be a joyous escape from everyday life. Being unhappy on a cruise ship is the pits.
My worst cruise experience was a ten day Victoria Cruises riverboat excursion on the Yangtze River in China. I went so that I could write a review of the experience and, against my better judgment, let myself be talked into taking a longer itinerary than the standard three/four day cruises the majority of Western travelers choose.
My experience was ten days on a decrepit boat (the floors buckled!) where only one person spoke English while visiting attractions that were utterly meaningless and boring. Oh, I couldn’t eat or breathe. Pollution in this area is so awful that the air is white and not once did I see the sun even though it didn’t rain. I found local Chinese food unpalatable.
So, how did I get myself into such a miserable situation?
I picked a cruise without doing the research. I only learned when I arrived that the longer itinerary is only marketed to Chinese Americans who enjoy visiting the local sites of interest, like the food and speak Chinese. Unfortunately guide books and tourism resources don’t mention how polluted China is and that many visitors return with Bronchitis that lasts for months. Or that food served in China is nothing like what we get back home. My gut told me to limit the cruise to three days and pick a cruise line that caters to Westerners, like Viking River Cruises. I didn’t listen to it.
5 Top Ways to Have a Bad Cruise Vacation
I’m not including personal emergencies, like someone getting sick, accidents and problems like loss of a job or family strife that certainly will cause you to have a bad experience. The items below concern personal choices that lead you into a situation that results in a bad vacation experience.
1. Cruise with someone you’re not compatible with
I don’t know why it is but on today’s enormous cruise ships we’re more isolated with our traveling companions than we were on small ships. In the past it was easier to meet people and form bonds which can relieve the pressure of a contentious relationship. In my opinion, if it’s a toss up between taking a cruise or seeing a divorce attorney, choose the latter. If a rebellious troubled child doesn’t want to join the family on a cruise, leave him home. Don’t try to force or manipulate anyone into taking a cruise who doesn’t want to go.
2. Pick a Cruise Ship Based on Price Alone
You may get lucky and love the cruise ship you wind up on … but you may end up spending thousands of dollars on a ship you don’t like. The most important considerations in picking a cruise ship are your personal lifestyle and interests. For example, if good food is a priority head for cruise lines which serve the highest quality fare. Carnival boasts much better food than its competitors so you don’t have to spend a fortune to satisfy your palate. While everyone knows the best ships for families with children are the new Oasis/Allure of the Seas, steer away from them if you have a problem walking long distances. Couples seeking a low-key, more sophisticated experience and people who prefer fewer kids should lean towards Celebrity, Princess and Holland America. I recommend these ships also for those seeking a dressier travel experience.
3. Bypass Travel Insurance
Why should you buy travel insurance? Because life happens when you’re making other plans. In all likelihood you’ll have a problem free cruise but these are a list of things that can not only cause you a great deal of money but negatively impact your trip: 1) your flight is cancelled or delayed causing you to miss the ship; 2) someone in the family gets seriously ill causing you to cancel the cruise; 3) you or one of your traveling companions gets ill during the vacation; 4) you loose your job and must cancel; 5) lost luggage. And because your agent and the cruise line urges you to get travel insurance, once something happens and you’re in the non-refundable period you won’t get a nickel back.
4) Decide That Size Doesn’t Matter
In terms of vessel size, you’ll only find the best kids programs, extensive entertainment options, big casinos and lots to do aboard the largest ships in the world. On the other hand, if seek ports where you don’t have to be elbowed by thousands of other cruisers, head for smaller ships that visit more exclusive places. If you visit Alaska aboard a large cruise ship, don’t be surprised if you don’t see whales, eagles, dolphins and moose. It’s tough to see anything when you’re a dozen stories off the ocean. It takes a small ship to get up-close to nature.
5) Don’t Invest the Time in Picking a Terrific Travel Agent
While Carnival takes direct bookings — not recommended! — in all likelihood you’ll have to use book your cruise through a travel agency. Many agents at the other end of 800 numbers are simply order takers and yes, it does take a bit of effort to find a great one (I recommend asking for personal referrals).
This is what a good travel agent can do: tell you about terrific deals on cruise ships you didn’t think you could afford; steer you toward ships that match your personal interests and lifestyle; get you upgraded to a better cabin; advise you on air transportation that ensures you arrive before the ship departs; warn you about common pitfalls like booking a ship you won’t enjoy or taking the wrong itinerary; increasing the odds you’re getting the best price possible and being a critical contact if anything goes wrong.
Hurricanes: I imagine there are quite a few pissed off cruisers who had their itinerary changed last week because of Hurricane Earl. Many of them will blame the cruise line for bad weather and the need to bypass ports.
But in the end, you have a choice to cruise or not during hurricane season. When you book a cruise during this time of the year you’re taking a chance foul weather will affect the cruise itinerary.
